The following are actual signs displayed and noted all over the world...

Hotel elevator, Paris:

"PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK"

Supermarket, Hong Kong:

"FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECCOMEND COURTIOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE"

From the box of a clockwork toy in Hong Kong:

"GUARANTEED THROUGHOUT IT'S USEFUL LIFE"

In a Pumwani maternity ward:

"NO CHILDREN ALLOWED"

In a cemetary:

"PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES"

On the menu of a swiss resturant:

"OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR"

Hotel brochure, Italy:

"THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR IT'S PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FLOCK HERE FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD TO ENJOY IT'S PEACE AND SOLITUDE"

In a Nairobi resturant:

"CUSTOMERS WHO FIND THE WAITRESS RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER"

On an automatic hand-dryer in a restroom:

"DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS"

Hotel, Acupolco:

"THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL OF THE WATER SERVED IN OUR RESTURANT"

Drycleaners in Bangkok:

"DROP YOUR PANTS HERE FOR BEST RESULTS"

On one of the Mathere buildings:

"MENTAL HEALTH PREVENTION CENTRE"